Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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