how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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