I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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