When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
