You're my little dorito
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
