in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
