well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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