Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
