Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm getting married
To pizza
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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