Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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