porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
