I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
