so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
last night I used snow as a chaser
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
