FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
