one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
