so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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