this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
