I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
