This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I love you.
Bad choice
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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