i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
