Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
