dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
