just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
