I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
