Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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