i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
