I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
