My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
