the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
