Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
