I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
