maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
