is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
