first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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