if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm getting married
To pizza
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
