today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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