Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
