I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
