I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
