I hate your face
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
