i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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