That's intense
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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