if i can run in heels then i can drive
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
