i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
