I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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