He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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