Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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