may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
