none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
