Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
