I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
