I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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